New Book for Review: Sex and the Single Church Sister by Sha’ Givens

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Sha’ Givens will be touring in February with her self-help relationship book, Sex and the Single Church Sister.

SEX AND THE SINGLE CHURCH SISTER explores the real life challenges facing single, contemporary women in the new millennium. This faith-based relationship and wellness guide offers insight on key issues few dare to speak candidly about. What happens after the church lights go out? We’ll talk about it. Desiring intimacy, battling loneliness and overcoming emotional hurdles while in pursuit of Mr. Right remain at the forefront of the struggle. This uncut, non-fiction masterpiece includes practical tips on how to avoid sexual pitfalls, as well as discuss The most common mistakes women make while choosing a mate and more…

120 pages

To find out more about Sha’, visit her at http://www.shagivensspeaks.com

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER
1
HOME ALONE

Whoever said loneliness is a state of mind and it’s easy to remedy—LIED. If you’re single, divorced, widowed, or unhappily married and struggling, you may have heard this phrase, “Stop tripping, keep busy and the loneliness will fade away!” They just don’t understand. Stop tripping? Keep busy? We are busy, but it doesn’t always change the way we feel.

If you’ve ever heard this statement or something similar, you can raise your hand with the rest of us and say, “AMEN!” The phrase sounds more like “Get over it, silly!” These words are insensitive and un-thoughtful, but people utter such statements to single folks as if they have total control over the periodic emotion. Like most of us, you probably grit your teeth, smile and pretend you’re not fazed when you hear it. We all have a tendency to politely shrug things off even when they hurt. You may even assume there is something wrong with you for feeling this way. I am here to tell you—you are not alone. Loneliness is not an easy topic to discuss. You run the risk of being perceived as desperate, ungrateful or dissatisfied with God.

Most single church sisters in the twenty-first century are busier than ever. Think about it. We do everything possible to stay active and keep our minds out of the gutter. We feed the homeless. Sing in the church choir and save the whales, just to name a few. Yet we can still find ourselves struggling with the reality that we’re single and alone. Loneliness has a way of rearing its ugly little head when we are doing our best to avoid it.

HIDING BEHIND YOUR WORK?
It’s easy to create a shield of protection from loneliness. The most common protector for the ambitious single sister is her career. Do you add additional hours to your work schedule than required? Are you emotionally driven by climbing the ladder of success because of an unfulfilled void in your personal life? Many times these thoughts and actions are birthed from a deep hidden feeling of loneliness. Work is the perfect mask. It can drastically reduce the reality that loneliness exists. Of course we rarely admit it because it’s embarrassing to openly agree, but let’s take a moment and think. Being busy in the office makes it easier to forget about Mr. Right, at least for a few hours. Moreover, at the end of the work day our minds often revert back to what we’re missing—companionship.

Let’s be frank, most of us desire someone to come home to at night. After a challenging day, we want that special someone to make us feel as if everything is going to be alright. Being held in your honey’s arms has a way of erasing every nerve-racking word your boss spoke. The thought of a big hug and a tantalizing dinner after work sounds intoxicating. The reality is, there is no honey waiting for you when you return home, and your dinner is frozen in the freezer. For now, it’s easier to hide behind your career than focus on what you don’t have.

WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?
If you’ve heard this question a million times, don’t raise your hand. It’s a very common question for women in their thirties, forties and even fifties. The older you get, the more you will hear it. Most of the time these words are uttered from the mouths of our parents, siblings, co-workers and a few not so close friends who don’t have a clue what’s going on in your world. They see you from a distance and wonder why you’re still single. After all, you’re talented, educated and skilled with every strand of hair on your head in its proper place. You look good, dress like an “A” list celebrity and seem like the perfect match for some eligible bachelor. It makes sense for them to wonder why you’re still single, but unfortunately you can’t respond to a question you don‘t have the answer to. You’re still trying to figure out why you’re single also.

SINGLE AGAIN
I’m sure you’re still in shock. You can’t believe it. This time around you’re single with kids and a desk piled high with overdue bills you can’t pay. Your favorite scripture is pinned to your refrigerator door that says, (Philippians 4:13) “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” The divorce almost took the wind out of you. You were married for several years and dedicated your entire life to your marriage. For matters unknown whether it was your fault or your ex-husband’s, you’re back at the place you vowed never to return—single life, the rat race. You remember it vividly. You dated every Tom, Derrick and Larry hoping one of them would be—THE ONE. It was a full time job. And here you are, inducted back into the sorority of single sisters.

If you would like to review How Not to Save the World, please email Tracee Gleichner at tgleichner(at)me.com.

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Question of the Day

How do you make sales happen for you?

A lot of hard work! I sponsor a lot of on line parties, festivals and contests. Book sales don’t magically happen, believe me. An author has to work hard to earn her readers. And then she has to work hard to keep them by giving them something they’ll enjoy reading. I try hard to make my books worth a reader’s time.

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