New Book for Review: Falstaff’s Big Gamble

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Author Hank Quense will be touring from September and October with his humorous rewrite of Shakespeare’s most famous plays, Falstaff’s Big Gamble.

Falstaff's Big Gamble Book Tour

About Falstaff’s Big Gamble

This novel is Shakespeare’s Worst Nightmare.

It takes two of the Bard’s most famous plays, Hamlet and Othello, and recasts them in Gundarland. There, Hamlet becomes a dwarf and Othello a dark elf and Iago and his wife, Emilia, are trolls.

If that isn’t bad enough, these two tragedies are now comedies with Falstaff, Shakespeare’s most popular rogue, thrown in as a bonus.

Both Hamlet and Othello are plagued by the scheming Falstaff, who embezzles money from Othello. After Hamlet becomes king (with help from Falstaff) the rogue becomes the dark nemesis behind the throne.

Falstaff’s Big Gamble Book Excerpt

Hamlet, Crown Prince of Denmarko, paced the castle battlements late on a clear, cool spring night. He walked with hands clasped behind his back and head down. He had a thin nose with brown hair and eyes. His scrawny build and clean-shaven face gave him the appearance of a starving waif.

He paused, gazed at the multitudinous stars, sighed and continued his pacing. A breeze brought the smells of the harbor: salt water and rotting fish guts. At last, he stopped, thrust one hand to the sky and declaimed, “To bee or not to bee?” He stroked his chin. “Whether ’tis nobler to buy honey from the peasant farmer in the market and thus provide him sustenance and income to support his brood of brats, possibly keeping him from rebelling over high taxes . . . or to grow my own honey thus, gaining coins to assert my independence from my noble family and the sordid court? Hmm.”

He paced some more, still troubled by his vexing question. Nothing less than his future depended upon the answer. Because his uncle, and now stepfather, Clodio, had usurped his right to rule the kingdom, he needed a profession and an income.

“Do you always talk to yourself?” a voice said from the shadows.

“Who . . . who goes there?” Hamlet’s head snapped from one side to another while his hand grasped the hilt of his dagger.

“‘Tis I, the ghost of your father. I bring a message for your ears alone.”

Hamlet goggled at the specter who materialized in the shadows of a doorway. “You’re not my father’s ghost. My father was a dwarf and you’re the ghost of an elf. You’re an impostor and a dead one to boot.”

“Hey, your father is busy and he asked me to fill in.”

“Busy? In the underworld? What’s he doing?” Hamlet clutched his red tunic and tugged downward as if to hide his shaking hands.

“He met a good-lookin’ ghost of a female dwarf and he’s wooin her.”

“Dead not a month, and he forsakes his wife, my mother?

“You gotta understand. Life on this side — no pun intended — is pretty borin’. When you gotta a chance to do somethin’ interestin’, you gotta go with it.”

Hamlet ran a hand over his face. Why me? he thought. “What’s the message?”

“His death was no accident. It was murder most foul. Here is his exact message. ‘But know, thou noble youth, the serpent that did sting thy Father’s life, now wears his crown.’” The ghost paused then added, “Did your father always talk funny like that?”

“Murdered? By whom?”

“Didn’t you listen? The message tells you who whacked him. Your father wants you to send this guy over here so he can talk to him. He doesn’t wanna wait until the guy croaks from natural causes.”

Hamlet watched in awe as the ghostly figure evaporated. A few seconds later, it popped back into sight. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. Your father says, ‘Thy mother the queen is to know naught of this nocturnal visit.’” The ghost disappeared.

His father’s murder shocked him. And the murderer had married his mother immediately afterward. Did the world have no morals?

He recalled his first thoughts when he’d heard of his father’s death. How he admired the perseverance and tenacity his father must have had to commit suicide by suffocating himself with a pillow. Now all that admiration was wasted; the old dwarf had had help.

What to do? He needed to make decisions about bee farming and now he had to avenge his father. Was there no end to the demands on a prince’s time? He said to the stars, “To bee-keep or to avenge? That is the question.”

If you would like to review Falstaff’s Big Gamble email Rebecca at Rebecca.camarena@yahoo.com

Deadline for inquiries ends August 30 or until the tour is filled. Thank you.

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