Pump Up Chats with Chamed – Author of ‘My Heart Stopped Beating’

My Heart Stopped Beating Hello, Chamed. Welcome to Pump Up Your Book. Where are you from?

I am Italian, although I am not of Italian descent, I cannot say more. I live in Tuscany.

When and why did you begin writing?

When I was ten years old I used to write in a journal about what happened to me during the day and my days where not very busy, so my pages were full of sketches and scribbles. I was fascinated by my mother; she used to write a lot. I had always had her romantic and melancholic vision of the writer, enlightened with beauty when absorbed in writing.

As the years passed, I used to write only sometimes, very personal pages, which then I treasured. Lately I have the impression that I didn’t do anything else all of my life. Then I think well about it, and I realize that I had always favor painting rather than writing. However my feeling remains. Then the solution is another one: I had always written, but not with my pen. I did it with my mind, so I could answer you: I’ve written since I learned how to paint.

When did you first consider yourself a writer?

Two years ago, I decided that I had to write. If I could convey my emotions – my fears, my anger, my pain – I could consider myself as a writer. I had a confirmation of this when Beniamino Soressi (who later became my agent and editor) told me that he liked my manuscript very much. The first impact was very positive and it’s so nice a person I don’t know perceived the things I wanted to convey in my book.

What inspired you to write your first book?

I was wondering: why did nobody ask what has become of the people who used to live in the madhouses? These places, which are not of places of cure but of segregation. What are the problems they must face to integrate in our world? And what chaos, instead, must we overcome to get used to their presence? I have to live with my past, with my painful memories, my regrets, my dreams and my expectations. Think of those who, like me, had the force to come back to existence and to tell others about themselves. The torture of mental suffering too much overlooked by psychiatrists.

When I was administered electroshock, I didn’t remember anything, they obscured my mind. I couldn’t read, I couldn’t even scribble. I encountered complications in expressing myself in verbal language most of all… as if each time I wanted to express myself I was running under a tunnel and found myself in front of a barrier of rocks which fell from a cliff, which compressed me and gave me the feeling of being buried alive. So for fear I withdrew into myself and fought with my past.

How did you come up with the title?

While tiding my room, I saw one of the many journals that I had written many years before, and I stopped to read it. I came back with my memories, and as I went on reading, my memories came to life. I felt a strong pain that started from my chest fusing within my heart. It was so strong that for a moment my heart stopped beating… Let’s say that the title came first and the book, which is based on those journals, is a consequence.

Is there a message in your book that you want readers to understand?

Through pain I learned that to be happy you shouldn’t waste your life while wishing impossible things. You should enjoy what you have because tomorrow they can take it away from you. My experience in a madhouse also thought me that the ill person doesn’t have to be confined in a ghetto, avoided like the plague, but needs to be cured and taken care of. The person essentially needs something to allow him or her to keep his/her dignity and deep grief in the best possible way.

What books have influenced your life most?

Pride and Prejudice. Not only the plot but the very phrasing and words of Austin, with all its liveliness. Anne Frank’s Diary is one of the books that I read and re-read many times with its feeling of being always close with the heart and the actions, to the most fragile beings, to every People and to the people which are most liable to be taken advantage of.

What book are you reading now?

I prefer committed novels that deal with serious topics. I love the people of the past, such as in Geneviève Chastenet’s Paolina Bonaparte, who spoke to me with her philosophy of life and with her faithfulness toward her brother. Though her levity might be subject to criticism, especially at that time. I love historical novels because I love the idea that we can use the past to understand the present.

What writing are you working on now?

I am working at the continuation of My Heart Stopped Beating.

Did you learn anything from writing your book and what was it?

The hope that one day medical science may find a way to repair the mistakes made in the past in the madhouses and to make the lives of the people staying there less gloomy. Something that goes beyond that material help that often is thought sufficient for those who are sick; that element called Love, with this faith in the future, with which I wanted to tell my life story. With the hope that it could be of help to the readers to better understand those who suffer and to reflect on their own life.


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