Sitting on Cold Porcelain Virtual Book Tour January & February 2011

Sitting on Cold Porcelain

Join Rose A. Valenta, author of the humor book, Sitting on Cold Porcelain (Xlibris), as she virtually tours the blogosphere January 3  2011 – February 25 2011 on her first virtual book tour with Pump Up Your Book!

About Rose A. Valenta

Rose A. Valenta Rose A. Valenta is a nationally syndicated humor columnist. Her irreverent columns have been published in Senior Wire, Associated Content, Courier Post Online, NPR, Newsday, USA TODAY, the WSJ Online, and many other local news and radio websites.

She is the author of Rosie’s Renegade Humor Blog. This is the blog for people who would be knowledgeable about current events and politics if only politicians and news anchors didn’t stretch the truth. “What else is there to do, but share an honest laugh?” Rose said.

Rose regularly attends the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop at the University of Dayton, is a member of the Robert Benchley Society and the National Society of Newspaper Columnists (NSNC).

Rose lived in Philadelphia for over 40 years, where she honed her humor writing skills by being married to a Philadelphia Policeman and giving birth to three children. “Times have changed. Now that we have 10 grandchildren, I’m not sure how I feel about children being exposed to the evening news. Humorous things happen, like the time my grandson asked us to come outside to see his version of ‘Frosty the Inappropriate Snowman’ right after Snowmageddon.”

Rose worked for a subsidiary of McGraw-Hill, Datapro Information Services, for 12 years as a technical staff writer, and also wrote freelance articles for other computer industry publications.

She claims that her Italian heritage stunted her growth. She is English on her Father’s side and believes that in a past life, during medieval times, she was probably a trusted member of the Counsel of the Jesters.

Her latest book is Sitting on Cold Porcelain which you can find out more about at her website at www.rosevalenta.com.

About Sitting on Cold Porcelain

Sitting on Cold Porcelain Political unrest. government scandal. corruption… extortion! What do all these things have in common? They are perfect targets for satire! In Sitting on Cold Porcelain, readers will find an amusing, perceptive, and laugh-out-loud take on the state of our country and our world, on celebrities and politicians, and all the news events that make us roll our eyes and groan.

Its satirical essays include “Giuliani’s Gaffe Could Qualify for Political Darwin Award,” “Rush Limbaugh: The Don Rickles of Radio,” “State of The Union 2010: Bitch-Slapping Congress,” “Islamic Cleric Declares Jihad on Mickey Mouse,” “Little Egypt to Run Against Sarah Palin,” and “Who Moved My Mascarpone?”

You will also find Rose’s hysterical consultations with her friend, Mrs. Giordano, a South Philadelphia Malocchio (evil eye) doctor. Mrs. Giordano bloviates in Italian and is the Italian equivalent to the ‘Numa Numa Guy’ in front of the TV when she watches The O’Reilly Factor.

Read the Excerpt!

It’s been a difficult day at the office and you’re exhausted. Your eyes hurt from working on a computer all day, not to mention the crimp in your neck and back, and sore Maxine (escape key) finger.

You turn on the evening news to find out that all sorts of crazy things are happening in our world. Terrorists are trying to kill us, our Vice President made another gaffe at an important event, our political pundits are calling for impeachment, a famous designer has introduced a line of bullet-proof clothing, another politician has gotten himself involved in a sex scandal, PETA is making yet another smoker ad, a scientist wants to give Galileo a posthumous eye test on a stimulus grant, and the term “Brangelina” now refers to a gay variety show at the Boston Roxy; you know that because your 10-year-old grandson told you.

You try to find out if your v-chip works for news programming, as the kids are doing homework in front of the TV. They are not asking about protractors and math manipulatives.

You could describe the way you feel as “punch drunk,” only there are no Marquess of Queensberry rules here.

You get into bed feeling warm and cozy; your significant other is snoring loudly at your side. Icicles are forming outside. You fluff your pillows, turn on the heating blanket, set the alarm, and insert the ear-plugs – all is right with your world.

Then, at around 3:00 am, at the very beginning of your crucial Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep (the three-hour sound sleep window that keeps people from going crazy), you begin dreaming about soaking in a hot tub, you wake up suddenly before you pee yourself, make a mad dash into the bathroom, quickly squat, and find yourself – sitting on cold porcelain.

Realizing that the culprit is still sleeping soundly in the next room, totally unaware of your predicament, and probably dreaming about lunch with the guys at Hooters, you scream loudly, as if to wake up the dead or at least that slug stuck in a salt ring.

He comes running into the bathroom, completely naked and wild-eyed with a Colt 45, ready to protect his damsel in distress. He looks around quickly like a buck protecting his turf. He almost pees on the wall to mark it; then, he looks down and spots a puddle of water and his damsel, who is stuck in the commode.

You, his damsel, begin to spew a Dennis Miller monologue, worse than anything he has ever heard on the O’Reilly Factor, he aims, and you karate chop him. The weapon falls into the commode. It can’t rust, so he stays up for an hour cleaning it out and oiling it. You are still beating his ear an hour into REM sleep. Both of you are red-eyed, resembling vampires. You go back to bed. There is still an hour left.

No, this is not a sneak preview of the next Super Bowl prize-winning GEICO caveman commercial. Some people call it Murphy’s Law every time things go wrong. I feel justified calling it “Sitting on Cold Porcelain.”

Watch the Trailer!

Read what critics are saying about Sitting on Cold Porcelain!

“What situations make you nutty? Is it your dysfunctional family gathering? Your job? Or maybe it’s the continual deluge of political wrongs? Author Rose A. Valenta takes a satirical eye to real life events to figure out life’s puzzle pieces in the book, Sitting on Cold Porcelain. Valenta combines topics on holidays, Viagra, and political unrest in a collection of humorous anecdotes….if you want solutions, you’ll probably need to find some self-help book. But if you want a smart, satirical read, try Sitting On Cold Porcelain for insight that swats away the superfluous and leaves you laughing out loud.”

— Jennifer Akers, reviewer

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Sitting on Cold Porcelain Virtual Book Tour Schedule

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books kk Monday, January 3
Interviewed at The Writer’s Life

Tuesday, January 4
Interviewed at Literarily Speaking
Guest blogging at Southern Humorists
“Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum”

Wednesday, January 5
Guest blogging at The Book Faery Reviews
“Murphy’s Law and Sitting on Cold Porcelain”

Thursday, January 6
Interviewed at Pump Up Your Book
Interviewed at Let’s Talk Virtual Book Tours

Friday, January 7
Guest blogging at The Story Behind the Book
Rose tells us why she wrote her book!

Monday, January 10
Book reviewed at Celtic Lady’s Reviews

Tuesday, January 11
Guest blogging at Authors and Appetizers
“A Special Christmas Gift from Great-Grandma”

Wednesday, January 12
Guest blogging at Acting Balanced
“Do Game Developers Have Kids?”

Thursday, January 13
Book review and book giveaway at Acting Balanced

Friday, January 14
Book reviewed at Brook Side Reviews

Monday, January 17
Book review and book giveaway at Ellis Reviews & Life

Tuesday, January 18
Interviewed at Blogcritics

Wednesday, January 19
Guest blogging at As the Pages Turn
“Why I Love (and write) Humor Books”

Thursday, January 20
Book reviewed at A Page Turner 4 You ***RESCHEDULING***

Friday, January 21
Interviewed at The Book Connection

Monday, January 24
Interviewed at Digital Journal

Tuesday, January 25
Book reviewed at Books, Fitness & Other Stuff
“If you need a laugh, go get this book” – Books, Fitness & Other Stuff

Wednesday, January 26
Guest blogging at Writing Daze
“A Writer’s Words and the Senior Prom”

Thursday, January 27
Interviewed at Review From Here

Friday, January 28
Interviewed at The Hot Author Report

Tuesday, February 1
Guest blogging at Author’s Diary
“The Buzz about ‘House Divided'”

Wednesday, February 2
Interviewed at Examiner

Thursday, February 3
Guest blogging at Beyond the Books

Monday, February 7
Guest blogging at Romancing the Book

Tuesday, February 8
Book reviewed at The Sunday Book Review

Wednesday, February 9
Book reviewed at Barb’s Blast

Thursday, February 10
Interviewed at Self-Publishing Review

Monday, February 14
Guest blogging at Two Ends of the Pen
“Does Congress Fully Understand Mythical Beans?”
Interviewed at As the Pages Turn

Tuesday, February 15
Interviewed at Shine

Wednesday, February 16
Book reviewed at It’s Not All Gravy

Thursday, February 17
Interviewed at Beyond the Books

Friday, February 18
Book trailer featured at If Books Could Talk

Monday, February 21
Guest blogging at Simply Stacie

Tuesday, February 22
Interviewed LIVE on Blog Talk Radio’s A Book and a Chat Radio Show

Wednesday, February 23
Guest blogging at Night Owl Reviews
Interviewed on Selling Books

Friday, February 25
Chat & Book Giveaway at PUMP UP YOUR BOOK’S FEBRUARY AUTHOR ON TOUR FACEBOOK PARTY

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Rose A. Valenta’s  SITTING ON COLD PORCELAIN VIRTUAL BOOK TOUR ‘11 will officially begin on January 3  and end on February 25, 2011. Please contact Dorothy Thompson at thewriterslife@yahoo.com if you are interested in hosting and/or reviewing her book or click here to use the form. Thank you!

divider 13 If you would like to book your own virtual book tour with us, click here to find out how!

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